I need to ground myself once again. For so long have I gone seemingly to me living a lie. It's been exhausting. I am exhausted. My soul is weary. I need to get away.
I need to repent. I am living an unsustainable lifestyle fueled by selfish and worldly desires. I need to pray and get straight with my God once again. This is so long overdue.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
SOUNDS of war pierce a cloudless night
Flashes of magenta and lime green paint the walls. A whimsical dance of light and shadow. All around, the incessant clamor of rocket bursts shatter the stillness of night. Shockwaves ripple down the amberlit road, tempting alarms to compete in this cacophonous display. Off in the distance a faint rumbling murmurs as usual and at its usual time, but tonight with particular enthusiasm. It is a night for celebration, but there is none in my heart. Why so downcast, oh my soul? My hope and sustenance is in God. Why so anxious, oh my soul? Why so perplexed? Where is your faith? Your perseverance? Your fortitude? Has God shown you nothing these three decades?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
amazing people
many like to believe that people are, deep down inside, truly good. today, however, i witnessed quite the contrary. oh what sin does to a person -
i drove up to church today at around 12 or so to be greeted in the parking lot by a huge black truck - you know the type: enormous wicked-looking wheels, bright n shiny shocks - hitched to the back of it was an even bigger boat. it must have been about 30ft long. if you know anything about gmc, parking is tough as it is - now try to imagine where in the world this thing could fit in our tiny little lot. it was parked sideways taking up about 8 spaces. there was no apology in it.
one of our staff placed a note on the truck saying not to park here like that. the day went on - it was around 3:30 in the afternoon, i was walking my dog and saw that the owner of the truck had returned and had stopped in front of the front door of our church. the guy came out of his car, looking left then right, then he taped the sign onto the front door. by the time i got to the door, he had already turned around the church building to exit up sunset crossing rd. i watched as he sped up the hill. leaning his elbow out of the window, he turned his head to me and we made eye contact. the jerk.
i looked in uneasy anticipation at the sign he had taped to our church door - i wondered what he wrote on it. the red sharpie screamed out to me: "f--k off." he had heard it in a movie, for certain, or perhaps from a friend of his.
what gets me is that he must have known that we were doing him a favor by not calling the towing company to his rig out of our lot - which would have certainly cost him hundreds, perhaps even more than a thousand - the thing took up 8 spaces. what does one do with such foolishness? the world is full of it. when i had a little ebay business going a few years back, i was shocked by the kinds of people that were out in the world. some were courteous and very friendly, but of course i'm not thinking about them - others were total jerks. to such people, i was not even a person; i had no face, no family, no feelings, no worth. to such people, the only thing that is important is the bottom line: what they want.
this is the problem with all, christian and non, the desire for ones own will to be done; the right to do as one sees fit, apart from God. this is a big problem.
i drove up to church today at around 12 or so to be greeted in the parking lot by a huge black truck - you know the type: enormous wicked-looking wheels, bright n shiny shocks - hitched to the back of it was an even bigger boat. it must have been about 30ft long. if you know anything about gmc, parking is tough as it is - now try to imagine where in the world this thing could fit in our tiny little lot. it was parked sideways taking up about 8 spaces. there was no apology in it.
one of our staff placed a note on the truck saying not to park here like that. the day went on - it was around 3:30 in the afternoon, i was walking my dog and saw that the owner of the truck had returned and had stopped in front of the front door of our church. the guy came out of his car, looking left then right, then he taped the sign onto the front door. by the time i got to the door, he had already turned around the church building to exit up sunset crossing rd. i watched as he sped up the hill. leaning his elbow out of the window, he turned his head to me and we made eye contact. the jerk.
i looked in uneasy anticipation at the sign he had taped to our church door - i wondered what he wrote on it. the red sharpie screamed out to me: "f--k off." he had heard it in a movie, for certain, or perhaps from a friend of his.
what gets me is that he must have known that we were doing him a favor by not calling the towing company to his rig out of our lot - which would have certainly cost him hundreds, perhaps even more than a thousand - the thing took up 8 spaces. what does one do with such foolishness? the world is full of it. when i had a little ebay business going a few years back, i was shocked by the kinds of people that were out in the world. some were courteous and very friendly, but of course i'm not thinking about them - others were total jerks. to such people, i was not even a person; i had no face, no family, no feelings, no worth. to such people, the only thing that is important is the bottom line: what they want.
this is the problem with all, christian and non, the desire for ones own will to be done; the right to do as one sees fit, apart from God. this is a big problem.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
finding it hard to focus
I'm at this moment sitting in a lecture at school - 8:30am-4pm. It's a bit boring. It's a lecture about how we can be transformed by God, but it seems like what we're getting can be summed up in a 20min sermon. In the end, it's about relationship with God...
It seems so elementary. It's a necessary reminder for every Christian, but this presentation is so...verbose.
It seems so elementary. It's a necessary reminder for every Christian, but this presentation is so...verbose.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)